Wednesday, September 28, 2016
a hug is nearly a gun spelled backwards
Your best friend and America are falling off a cliff; which one do you save? I don't think that anyone in their right mind would put their love of patriotism over their love of their personal relations. A person's relationships with others are extremely important because once we learn to nurture and take care of those relations, we can then spread happiness and positivity. And we all know we can't spread joy and sparkles without getting a little on ourselves. Patriotism isn't all that bad either. It's a great manner to express your love and support towards your country. Although patriotism may be a great attribute, it is possible to have it lead in more of a negative direction rather than a positive one. For example, passionate nationalists may get out of hand when expressing their flag-waving emotions and instead of their spirit coming off as joyful, people can get annoyed or offended by their actions. While with personal relations, you can only create stronger connections with the fondness being outspread. When it comes down to the bond of you and a loved one versus you and your country, I think the correct choice is obvious.
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I liked how you tried connecting with the reader, but i think by asking a question it made the essay seemed very generic and it was kind of distracting. I think you should just let the reader know what you think. Just try to avoid asking a question as a hook. Good Job (:
ReplyDeleteI liked how you tried connecting with the reader, but i think by asking a question it made the essay seemed very generic and it was kind of distracting. I think you should just let the reader know what you think. Just try to avoid asking a question as a hook. Good Job (:
ReplyDeleteHey Angie. You are going in the right direction; however, you need improving in some areas of your essay. To begin, I have to disagree with Peter actually. I loved your hook and found it very intriguing. This hook very much made me interested in wanting to keep reading your essay. You need a clear thesis regarding your views on personal relationships or patriotism and whether or not that aligns with what E.M. Forster's has to say. I believe you make an attempt at a counterargument, but your points against it do not really sell why your opinion is more correct. Lastly, I would work on organizing your essay so it would be more easier to follow and maybe mention more about what patriotism is. These are my suggestions and I think if you can so some of these things I mentioned you would have a spectacular essay on your hands!
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